Up to one in five vulva owners experience pain during sex. Painful during sex, commonly called dyspareunia is incredibly common, but also an experience that we can support through sex therapy. Our sex therapists share some easy tips to overcome sexual pain.
Take your time
It can take a vulva owner 20 - 40 minutes to be ready to comfortably receive penetrative sex. Most people don’t spend this long warming up with either foreplay, sensual or emotional cues. When you exercise you warm up your muscles. Your sexual organs need the same kind of warm up, for blood flow and lubrication. Take your time and really explore what it is that brings you to readiness.
Check your general stress levels
When we are stressed, our muscles can contract and tighten, which includes our pelvic region. General stress can accumulate in muscle tightness and clenching which creates the sensation of pain through penetration. You can also check with a pelvic floor physiotherapist to explore if you have muscle tightness. A sex therapist can support you to explore how to adjust muscle tightness both mechanically and mentally.
Move position
Adjusting the position can support you to be in better control of the depth, angle and frequency of movement. Giving yourself greater control allows you a) to relax more knowing you’re in charge and can control any movement away from pain, b) help you adjust more into pleasure. You may wish to explore an Ohnut – a toy that reduces the depth of penetration. Sex therapy can support you to discuss with your partner how to adjust your sexual style to better suit your needs.
Sexual pain and trauma
People that have experienced sexual trauma, often experience sexual pain. If you’re experiencing sexual pain and have a history of sexual trauma, sex therapy can be incredibly beneficial to explore the connection between the two and to support you to reconnect with pleasure.
Sexual pain isn’t something you have to live with, you can seek support and explore ways to make sex pleasurable again.