Flirting is such a precursor to sex. Many people struggle to initiate sex and sexual intimacy. Flirting can be a fabulous way to practice initiating erotic intimacy with another person. Our sex therapists share insight into how to flirt.
Why do people flirt?
Flirting allows us to test the waters of whether someone reciprocates our romantic or sexual interest and serves as a form of intimate foreplay for a greater connection. We flirt to find connection, we flirt to boost our confidence, we flirt because it’s just plain fun! Who doesn’t love a cheeky little flirting moment with someone that catches their eye. Some people flirt just to feel like they could have a romantic connection, with no intent to follow through – it serves the sexual and romantic ego.
What makes a good flirt?
The best flirts are the people that find out what makes the other person tick, they enhance their qualities that match those needs, and display them. Great flirts are good at reading a person and adjusting their own interpersonal style to suit the situation. A great flirt is a great chameleon who can adjust their style to the match, and explore their inner workings to find love at first sight gold.
How you flirt is about your own approach and personality, and also about the dynamic between you and the other person. There are also 5 main flirting styles, which were derived by Assistant Professor Jeffery Hall - physical, traditional, polite, sincere, and playful. Usually the best flirting is when your style and that of your prospective love match correlate.
Tips for top flirting from a sex therapist
Consent is key always. If you’re not getting an affirmative - hell yeah I’m reciprocating this flirting – back away now, they’re probably uncomfortable and just trying to be polite. Don’t flirt with people who you know aren’t available or interested just to get an ego boost. Making someone uncomfortable so that you can feel attractive is really unfair.
If you’re an introvert and you’re uncomfortable with the attention – make it all about your extroverted match – ask them questions, be truly interested, value their answers. If you’re an introvert matching with an introvert – look for the subtle moves, looks, words, go slow, ask questions, it’s a long game.
Be authentic – no need for a mask, just be yourself be truthful.
Listen – everyone loves being listened to, truly give them the time to talk.
Share – open up about yourself, find out if you are actually compatible.
Flirting is part of the sexual arousal dance - and we need to learn how to connect with others in a non-platonic way in order to show our interest. Sex therapy can support you to find ways to connect with others that feel authentic to you. Sex therapy can support you to overcome your fears of initiating flirting or sexual contact.