Approximately 1.7% of the global population identify as asexual, meaning they have little interest in thinking about or having sex. In popular culture in Australia, we popularise the concept of sexual liberation and people needing to be sexual beings to be ‘normal’ or acceptable by their peers and partners. The fact is that not everyone wants or thinks about sex – and guess what?! That’s totally ok.
What is asexuality
Asexuality is different to wanting sex but not feeling horny. People who are asexual genuinely, authentically don’t have interest in sex. Asexuality is often thought of as a spectrum – and not every asexual feels the same. Some asexuals are also aromantic – meaning they don’t want romantic relationships with others. Some asexuals are very interested in creating life long partnerships. Some asexuals may think that sex is a horrible thing, others may be sex positive but just not want it for themselves. Sex therapy is an excellent place to explore your sexual identity and be reminded that your definition of sex is the only true definition for you.
Different kinds of asexuality
Greysexual - someone who experiences sexual interest in really specific circumstances.
Demisexual – someone who only experiences sexual interest when there’s a strong emotional connection with a person developed over time.
Aromantics – someone who doesn’t want sexual encounters but does want romantic ones.
Why we see asexuality in sex therapy
Many asexuals feel the pressure to pretend to want sex, they may feign interest for their partner or even become promiscuous in order to pretend they’re not. A common experience for asexuals is the feeling of being broken, or confusion as to why they don’t fit the mould that society tells them to be. They may attend sex therapy wanting a sex therapist to fix them. It’s our role to remind an asexual that it’s ok to not want sex, and that if that’s their true need, how to communicate this to a partner and negotiate a relationship that is sex free.
Asexuality is different from celibacy which is a choice. Asexuality is a deep-rooted experience of not having or wanting interest in sex. If you’re struggling with asexuality or questioning whether your experiencing desire difficulties or asexuality, sex therapy a wonderful option to find your answers.