Menopause and Sex

Menopause has traditionally been marketed as a terrible time for AFAB folks, experiencing the end of fertility and major hormonal changes. Menopause for many can be the start of the 'I don't give a Fu*k' era - where your needs come first, you are no longer constrained by the systems you thought you should honour - and you know yourself well-enough to do what you need not what you ought. Menopause can bring sexual changes - but these changes are always workable, particularly so with the right support.

Menopause marks a significant transition in a person’s life, often accompanied by changes in sexual function and desire. These changes can feel confusing or discouraging, but they also open the door to new ways of experiencing intimacy and connection with oneself. Understanding how menopause impacts sexual health and learning how to reconnect with your body can lead to a richer, more aware sexual life. This post explores the effects of menopause on sexual function, how aging can enhance sexual awareness, and how sex therapy can support a fulfilling sexual experience after menopause.

How Menopause Affects Sexual Function and Desire

Menopause brings hormonal shifts, especially a drop in estrogen and testosterone, which influence sexual function in several ways:

• Reduced vaginal lubrication

Lower oestrogen levels can cause vaginal dryness, making intercourse uncomfortable or even painful.

• Changes in genital tissue

The vaginal walls may become thinner and less elastic, affecting sensation and comfort.

• Decreased libido

Hormonal changes can reduce sexual desire, though this varies widely among individuals.

• Mood and energy shifts

Menopause can bring mood swings, fatigue, or sleep disturbances, all of which impact sexual interest.

• Increased hormonal sensitivities for neurodiverse folk  

  Neurodiverse folk can experience heightened reactions to hormonal changes and enhanced impacts.

These changes do not mean the end of a satisfying sex life. Instead, they call for new approaches to intimacy and self-care.

Reconnecting with Yourself Sexually After Menopause

Rebuilding a positive sexual relationship with your body after menopause involves patience and exploration. Here are practical steps to help:

• Prioritise self-care and comfort

Use lubricants or vaginal moisturisers to ease dryness. Wearing breathable, comfortable clothing can also help.

• Explore new types of touch

Focus on sensual, non-penetrative activities like massage or gentle caressing to rediscover pleasure.

• Communicate openly with partners

Share your feelings and needs. Adjusting sexual routines together can reduce pressure and increase intimacy.

• Practice mindfulness and body awareness

Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help you tune into your body’s sensations and reduce anxiety.

• Set realistic expectations

Understand that sexual desire may fluctuate. Allow yourself to enjoy moments of connection without judgment.

How Aging Can Improve Sexual Awareness

Aging brings wisdom and self-knowledge that can deepen sexual experience:

• Greater emotional intimacy

Many find that emotional connection becomes more important and fulfilling than physical performance.

• Increased confidence

With age, people often feel more comfortable in their skin, which can enhance sexual satisfaction.

• Better communication skills

Experience helps in expressing desires and boundaries clearly, leading to more satisfying encounters.

• Focus on quality over quantity

Instead of frequent encounters, the emphasis shifts to meaningful, pleasurable experiences.

This shift in perspective can transform sexual life into a more mindful and enriching part of overall well-being.

How Sex Therapy Can Support Better Sex After Menopause

Sex therapy offers a safe space to address challenges and build a satisfying sexual life after menopause. Here’s how it can help:

• Address physical and emotional concerns

Therapists can guide you through changes in your body and feelings, helping to reduce anxiety or frustration.

• Provide education and resources

Learning about menopause and sexual health empowers you to make informed choices.

• Improve communication skills

Therapy can teach ways to discuss intimacy with partners, fostering understanding and connection.

• Explore new ways to experience pleasure

Therapists can suggest techniques and exercises tailored to your needs.

• Support mental health

Managing stress, depression, or body image issues can improve overall sexual well-being.

• Support you to let go of what no longer serves you 

  Cut ties with old ways, find enough rage to leave what no longer brings you joy.

Many people find that working with a sex therapist helps them reclaim desire and enjoy a fulfilling sex life well into later years.

Menopause changes sexual function and desire, but it also offers an opportunity to deepen your connection with yourself and your partner. By understanding these changes, exploring new ways to experience pleasure, and seeking support when needed, you can reclaim your sexual confidence and awareness. Embrace this phase as a time to nurture your body and desires with kindness and curiosity.