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Couples therapy advice for how to express your needs

Asking for what you want in a relationship can be really confronting, so we share some couples therapy advice for how to express your needs.

Give voice to your feelings


Start by expressing your feelings. Use ‘I statements’ = I feel sad, I feel angry. Try not to place blame on your partner and focus on what they did or didn’t give you. Share your inner world kindly and calmly. Using feelings words encourages empathy and also allows you to express your experiences deeply. Feelings are also internal and don’t create blame or judgement for another person. We can support you to express your feelings and even identify what they are in couples therapy and sex therapy.


Speak to your reality


Acknowledge that your perspective may not be what your partner sees. Tell them that you are speaking from your own perspective and your own experiences. Describe what the situation feels like or what you see and how this impacts you. Try not to tell the other person what they’re doing or experiencing or you may be met with strong defensiveness and a real block to expression.


Know your needs and share them


If you don’t know what you want, how can you expect your partner to know? And if you don’t ask for what you need, how can you expect your partner to deliver? People aren’t mind readers, we do need to actually ask for what we need in relationships. We can’t assume that our partner will completely understand implicitly what we want, as that can change from moment to moment, and their needs may be entirely different. If you don’t know what you need, and let’s face it, so many people haven’t stopped to even think about what they need – we can help you identify your relationship needs in couples therapy or sex therapy.


If you're struggling to understand your partner's needs, or to express your own, reach out to us and we can support a facilitated discussion in couples therapy or sex therapy, and give you the tools to keep expressing yourself in the relationship - so that you can receive the love and care that you deserve.

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