How to initiate sex - sex therapy tips.

Do you want to have sex but not know how to initiate it with your partner?

Do you miss your partner's cues for sexual initiation?

You're not alone - many people struggle with sexual initiation and our sex therapist shares some tips on how to get off the starting block and into your sexual experiences.

Stop initiating sex

We know, it sounds counter-intuitive doesn't it! But yes - stop asking for sex. When we ask for sex we rarely get it. Asking for sex is a yes/no question – and quite often our partner isn’t ready for sex at the same time we are. Asking for sex also sets up pressure and expectations that all play should end in a certain outcome. So we stop asking for sex, to stop getting a yes/no answer – and to open the opportunity for you to start something pleasurable when one of you is ready for sex and the other is not. Try asking – what would feel pleasurable for you now?

Learn your sexual initiation style

Most people initiate sex through either asking for sex specifically, or through initiating it through physical touch. Did you know though that there are 4 initiation styles for sex!? Sensation is just one of the ways to initiate sex with a partner. Some people prefer their partner to initiate sex through romantic gestures, emotional closeness and romance, others prefer to be enticed, teased and seduced. Sex therapy can support you both to uncover your sexual initiation style – and to overcome initiation differences with your partner.

Get in contact with your own sexual cues

Do you know when you’re most aroused? Do you know when your body is ready for penetrative sex? If you don’t know the answers to these questions you may not know your own personal arousal cues. How can we know how to initiate sex if we are not sure we ourselves are ready for sex. Sex therapy can support you to understand your own and your partner’s sexual cues to maximise your knowledge of your own physical pleasure, enhancing opportunities for sexual play.

Initiation is tricky, scary and difficult – but it doesn’t have to be. Perhaps your relationship has some pent-up baggage around sexual initiation that you’re keen to shift through couples sex therapy. Reaching out for online sex therapy is all the initiation you need to do – we can support you and your partner with the rest.