Perimenopause and sex

Do you feel like you’re losing yourself? Do you feel extra sensitive or moody? Has your interest in sex changed? Are you experiencing low libido? Did you grow up with posters from Girlfriend Magazine or Dolly on your wall? Chances are – you may be experiencing perimenopause.

What is perimenopause?

Perimenopause is the shift in hormones that can occur from age 40 onwards to menopause. Perimenopause can be signalled by irregular periods, mood changes, cognitive changes, heightened emotional and physical sensitivity. This shift can have a significant impact on our connection to sex.

How does perimenopause impact sex?

Perimenopause can have a big impact on our desire for sexual engagement. Many people experience a decrease in sexual desire, low libido, inability to achieve orgasm (or anorgasmia) less pleasure during sex and physical symptoms like reduced lubrication or sexual pain. Interestingly, masturbation can increase during perimenopause, but partnered sex interactions decline. In addition to this, the change in sense-of-self can impact identity and connection to your own sexual self. Many people report feeling like they’ve lost a part of themselves, which can be super disheartening and confusing to experience. Perimenopause can also remove masking and heighten experiences of neurodiversity for some folk, requiring increased support and adaptations sexually.

How does perimenopause impact our relationships?

Reaching your 40s often brings with it the giving of less f*cks, which means we may be less inclined to put up with relationship challenges our younger self would have otherwise let slide. Hormonal changes can impact emotional stability and regulation, resulting in more conflict, or heightened sensitivity to your partner’s behaviour. This heightened defiance can help you t be a better advocate for your needs in relationships.

How can we connect to sex during perimenopause?

Perimenopause can be a wonderful time to rediscover yourself sexually. We invite you to take a stocktake of your sexual and relationship needs at this new stage of your life. We can support you to explore what feels good for you sexually now, and to take charge of your next iteration of your sexual identity. Sex therapy with your partner can support you to communicate changes in your sexual needs. You my also be experiencing a sexual orientation awakening, re-connecting with sides of your sexuality that may have been dormant.

Sex doesn’t have to disappear during perimenopause. While maintaining a happy sex life over a lifetime is hard, we can support you to do so.