Support for people questioning their sexual orientation

Exploring your sexual orientation can feel confusing and overwhelming. Many people question their sexual orientation at some point in life, and this process is a natural part of understanding who you are. This post will help clarify what sexual orientation means, how it differs from gender identity, the variety of orientations people may identify with, and the mental health challenges that can arise during this journey. We will also discuss how sex therapy can provide support as you explore your feelings and identity.

What Is Sexual Orientation and How Is It Different From Gender Identity?

Sexual orientation refers to the pattern of emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction a person feels toward others. It answers the question of who you are attracted to. Common sexual orientations include attraction to the opposite sex, same sex, both, or neither.

Gender identity, on the other hand, is about your internal sense of your own gender—whether you feel male, female, a blend of both, neither, or something else entirely. This is separate from who you are attracted to. Some people don't connect with a gender at all.

Understanding this difference is important because people of any gender identity can have any sexual orientation. For example, a person who identifies as a woman may be attracted to men, women, both, or neither.

How Common Is It to Question Your Sexual Orientation?

Questioning your sexual orientation is more common than many realise. Studies suggest that up to 20% of people may question their sexual orientation at some point in life. This questioning can happen at any age and may last for a short time or be part of a longer journey.

Many factors can prompt this questioning, such as new relationships, exposure to different communities, or personal reflection. It’s a healthy process that allows you to better understand your feelings and identity.

Different Types of Sexual Orientation

Sexual orientation exists on a broad spectrum. Here are some of the most recognised types:

• Heterosexual: Attraction to people of a different gender.

• Homosexual: Attraction to people of the same gender.

• Bisexual: Attraction to more than one gender.

• Pansexual: Attraction to people regardless of gender.

• Asexual or ACE: Little or no sexual attraction to others.

• Queer: A broad term for sexual orientations that do not fit traditional categories.

• Demisexual: Attraction only after forming a strong emotional connection.

• Greysexual: Sexual only under very specific circumstances.

• Omnisexual: Attraction to all genders, but often with preferences.

• Sapiosexual: Attracted to intelligence.

• Queer: Usually used for non heterosexual identifies and fluidity.

  
  

Each orientation is valid and reflects the diversity of human experience. People may also use other terms or combinations to describe their unique feelings.

There's also romantic orientation!

• Alloromantic: Experiences romantic attraction.

• Aromantic (Aro): Experiences little or no romantic attraction.

• Biromantic, Heteroromantic, Homoromantic: Refers to romantic attraction to multiple genders, opposite gender, or same gender, respectively. 

Understanding the LGTBIQA+ Community

The acronym LGTBIQA+ stands for Lesbian, Gay, Transgender, Bisexual, Intersex, Queer/Questioning, Asexual, and others. This community includes people with diverse sexual orientations and gender identities. This acronym is always changing and new identities are being discovered on a regular basis.

• Lesbian: Women attracted to women.

• Gay: Men attracted to men, or sometimes used broadly for same-gender attraction.

• Transgender: People whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.

• Bisexual: Attraction to more than one gender.

• Intersex: People born with physical sex characteristics that do not fit typical definitions of male or female.

• Queer/Questioning: People exploring or identifying outside traditional categories.

• Asexual: People who experience little or no sexual attraction.

  
  

The plus (+) includes other identities and orientations not listed here. This community supports diversity and encourages acceptance.

Mental Health Challenges While Questioning Sexual Orientation

Questioning your sexual orientation can bring up many emotions, including confusion, fear, and isolation. These feelings can affect mental health in several ways:

• Anxiety about acceptance from family, friends, or society.

• Depression due to feeling misunderstood or alone.

• Stress from hiding your true feelings or identity.

• Low self-esteem related to internalized stigma or discrimination.

  
  

Research shows that LGBTIQA+ individuals face higher rates of mental health challenges compared to the general population, often due to social pressures and discrimination. It’s important to recognize these challenges and seek support when needed.

How Sex Therapy Can Support You

Sex therapy is a specialized form of counseling that helps people explore their sexuality, relationships, and identity in a safe, non-judgmental space. Here’s how it can help if you are questioning your sexual orientation:

• Clarify feelings by talking openly about your experiences and attractions.

• Address fears related to coming out or acceptance.

• Build confidence in your identity and relationships.

• Develop coping strategies for stress and anxiety.

• Improve communication with partners or family members.

  
  

A sex therapist is trained to support people through these journeys with empathy and understanding. Therapy can be done individually or with partners, depending on your needs.

Exploring your sexual orientation is a personal and important journey. Remember that questioning is normal and part of self-discovery. You are not alone, and many resources and communities exist to support you. If you face mental health challenges, reaching out to a qualified therapist can provide valuable guidance and comfort.