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Our sex life died after we had children

There's nothing less sexy than cleaning out milk bottles at 2am with a screaming child, while your partner drools on the couch asleep after getting up for the last feed. Having children is a wonderful, life-changing experience for many people, but unfortunately this is usually at the expense of romance and sex.

It’s incredibly common for couples to attend sex therapy mourning the loss of their sex lives after the addition of beautiful children. One chapter begins, and the other chapter seems so far from the main focus of their lives. There are a few factors for why this is the case.

The child bearer is often left feeling disconnected from their sexual body as the body parts that once were reserved for foreplay and fornication, become tools for feeding baby. Childbirth can also be hugely traumatic, creating a negative association between their private parts and pain. Many parents experience post-natal depression and anxiety, creating additional mental health challenges which at times can detract from our focus on sex.

People experience different relationships to their changing bodies, with the birthing parent often experiencing pressure to ‘bounce back’ their body to pre-baby weight and image. The non-birthing parent often experiences a disconnect from being able to provide for their child in the same way as the other parent, creating isolation.

Sex is usually the last thing on the cards for new parents – but you can reinitiate a positive sex life, you can create space for new and pleasurable sexual experiences after baby. With sex therapy we can support you to get over the disconnect and reconnect sexually with your partner and yourself.


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