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How much sex should I be having?

The answer is - as much sex as feels comfortable to you! There is no ‘normal’ amount of sex that you should be having. Many people think that everyone else is having sex more than they are, that how much sex they have is some indication of whether their relationship is a success or not.

Guess what?! You can have lots of really, really bad sex - is that better? You can also be busy succeeding at other areas of life - is that a bad thing? Comparison is the death of compassion. The minute we start thinking we should be what everyone else is, is the minute we lose track of what we need for ourselves. The second we become unkind to our personal needs, and focussed on ‘should haves’ that often don’t actually make anyone happy.

In sex therapy we ask you to change the question from how much sex you’re having to - am I having good enough sex? Am I satisfied, do I enjoy my sex like? These are questions we can work with, this something that can be explored for the benefit of your own sexuality, not the benefit of other standards.


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