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How do you know whether to separate, divorce or stay?

Knowing whether to stay in a relationship you've invested love, effort and time in, or whether to start a life solo, is an incredibly challenging question many clients experience. It's really common to be in a committed long-term relationship, and be questioning the future. Actually, it can be quite healthy to question your choices, this can lead to validation knowing the person is right. Mostly it leaves clients feeling stuck between two bad outcomes.


Finding the right person at the right time for a relationship is incredibly difficult. Many people settle for their second or third relationship, which equates to their second or third major love experience in their lifetime (assuming they are lucky enough to meet more than one compatible long-term partner). This leaves people also questioning whether the person they are with, is... the one.


Do we really just have one person out of billions on this earth? Choice and chance play a large role in the longevity of our relationships. Many people enter long term relationship contracts with different goals and needs than they do when they are exploring love and dating, meaning we often expect and look for different things from a passionate first love, to the one we spend the rest of our lives with. So it’s not uncommon for people to skip their early romances, to find someone different that suits their long-term relationship goals. When we reach plateau and long-term love, people often feel the need to find a spark again, that fresh feeling of new love.


Individual relationship counselling can help you with this decision. We can support you to unpack your challenges, safely, focussing on your needs, and to identify with your deep inner values and needs. We can also support you with tools to try to enrich your existing relationship, or support you with tools to make considered decisions around leaving or staying. We can't though, make the decision for you or advise you what is best, that's in your heart to find.


If you decide to divorce, separate or leave, couple counselling can be a great way to work through a separation together. Many couples have successfully separated with guidance of an experienced therapist, turning the most challenging time of your life, into a more amicable, smooth transition. There are many modern methods of separation and divorce that do actually work well, creating great co-parents, and retaining the team that you once had with your spouse.


If you don't know which path to take, let us explore it with you in counselling.


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