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3 tips to improve your communication around sex from a couples counsellor and sex therapist

How do you talk about sex with your partner?

The first step to better sex, is talking about sex. Research shows that couples that talk about sex, often have a better sex life. If you’re not talking about the elephant in the room, there’s a high chance that you’re also struggling with a lack of sexual satisfaction and want to improve your sex life. Here are the top 3 tips to improve your communication around sex from a couples counsellor and sex therapist.

Master the art of constructive feedback

It’s not what you say, but how you say it. Couples with a great sex life, are often capable of giving excellent and constructive feedback. They know how to say what they want to change and they say it in an encouraging and supportive tone. Speak about your needs and preferences, not on your partner’s short-comings (pun intended); ‘You go to fast’ – becomes ‘it would really build me up if you make me wait for it.’ We can support you to do this in couples counselling and sex therapy.

Have regular check ins on all aspects of your relationship

Set a routine for checking in on the relationship – a safe and sustainable space for you both to be able to say how you’re feeling. If you’re talking in general, then you’re more likely to be able to talk about sexual difficulties as they come up. If you’ve created a safe time and space for discussions, then you’re not surprising your partner out of the blue, and they’re more likely to be ready to receive the information. This is really important for couples that don’t talk about sex at all and are avoiding talking about it at all costs – you have to start with basic conversations, set a routine for talking, then progress toward talking about sex.

Make talking part of your sexual repertoire

Try incorporating sexual requests into your sexual repertoire. Ask your partner to do the things you want them to do during your play sessions. Whisper in their ear what you would like, and send them naughty texts with suggestion. Ask them what they would like you to do. Start a sexy suggestion box for all your ideas. After sex, give your partner gentle praise on what you really liked about the session. Pillow talk is powerful, playful and fun!

Sex therapy and couples counselling can be the perfect ice breaker to support you and your partner to start talking about sex. In the session we are modelling how to talk about sex with your partner, and making the topic less taboo. We support you by giving you tools to start the discussions, and ways to make the conversation less daunting. If you want to talk more about sex with your partner – we’re happy to help initiate the conversation through counselling sessions.


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