What to do if your partner doesn’t want to do sex therapy or couples counselling
It can be really frustrating when you want to attend and work on your goals, but your partner isn’t ready or keen. We know that it’s challenging for all parties to be ready to do sex therapy or couples counselling at the same time. Before you give up completely, here is our advice.
Support them to ask questions
It’s really important that your partner consents to attend counselling for themselves. You will get the most out of counselling if they genuinely want to be there, even if you have different goals. If your partner isn’t ready or doesn’t want to go to couples counselling or sex therapy, then ask them why and if they have any fears or concerns. At Love Therapy Australia we are happy to speak with anyone who is curious or unsure about counselling to address their concerns. If they won’t speak to us directly, ask them if you can send us their questions for us to reply.
Give them time
Putting pressure on someone rarely results in change, they have to want to attend, and do so willingly, or at least with some effort. Give your partner time to process – perhaps ask them if they need some time to think it over and check in with them after that time to see if any questions or fears have come up. Sometimes it’s the shock of realising your partner has some concerns, that makes it hard for your partner to attend – giving them time to process the information may allow them to realise that counselling is there to strengthen the relationship, not to be scary or raise challenges.
Attend by yourself or as individuals
We can support you to improve your sex life or relationship with sex therapy or couples counselling as an individual. We can supply you with exercises to practice with your partner at home (provided they consent to doing them). You can learn a great deal just processing everything by yourself, and we can support you to formulate the words for how you will share this information with your partner once the session ends. You and your partner are also welcome to attend a session each individually prior to any couples work.
Timing can be tricky, and not everyone is ready to do the work – if you have any concerns at all about starting the process for couples counselling or sex therapy, please reach out to us.
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